I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
