she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
