Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
