I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
