would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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