i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
