I've blown a few things in my day
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
