I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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