Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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