The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
