dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize