plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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