2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
