You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
