We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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