so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
