it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
