What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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