When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
