Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
