i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
