I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
