just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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