Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
