apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
