you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
