I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
