Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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