I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
