i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
