a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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