im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
