call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize