I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
