Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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