White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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