I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
