Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
