My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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