Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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