Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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