Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
