Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
