he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
