no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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