If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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