I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
