the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
