I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
