I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
