how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My liver just had a heart attack.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize