I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
