There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
