They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
