i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
