Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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