Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
