Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
