Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
