i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
