either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
