Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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