ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
