you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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