Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
