Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
