Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
