Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
