dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
