All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
