you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize