I wish I could punch you in the face.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
