In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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