If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My ass is underappreciated
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He did a backflip because drugs
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
